I'm not sure that I can think of a character flaw that doesn't have a positive side to it. Selfish-- at least you take care of your own needs, which is something a lot of people have trouble doing, and end up focusing exclusively on other people. Lazy-- at least you (not you, skysblue, but the generic you) know how to slow down and rest, which is critical for health. You get the idea.

But I would agree with the person earlier in this thread who wrote about the distinction between who we are versus how we behave. For example, I believe myself to be a person who desires to control other people, and I salivate at how easy my life would be if I could get my husband and son to do exactly what I want, when I want it. I also have a job where I have a fair amount of influence over people and, although I don't feel the same pull to control my clients and others, I realize it would not be hard to do. I consider myself to have the ability to influence others (certainly my family), and feel I have to be aware of myself and my own desires in how I treat other people. I don't believe like I act like a control freak, however. I often consciously stop myself before I try to get my husband to do the 1,239th thing Exactly The Way I Like It. If it's something important to me, I try to be direct about it, rather than using a coercive or manipulative tool. I don't always succeed. I try to respond to my 10 year old son in ways that encourage his critical thinking, rather than try to get him to be just like me. This was put to the test not long ago, when he decided he wanted to "support" a political candidate for president who is an utter lunatic. That lasted about a week, fortunately.

I don't know if therapy or anything else can change who we are. I think that therapy has definitely changed a couple of things about my flaws: 1) made me more accepting of them; and 2) made me more aware of them, and this allows me to be more mindful in my relationships to other people, so I don't act on them.

Anne