I can empathize with the asking stuff - I hate it, too. I sort of have to grit my teeth and force myself to do it. But I can also empathize with the difficulty you're having with it. I'm in a similar situation, but with a different issue. Things are reaching critical mass, and I think about it constantly. And I'm convinced I SIMPLY CAN'T DO IT. Like it's physically impossible, like even if I wanted to, I simply wouldn't be able to. Good lord, it's a struggle!!!! I've talked about it with T, and we figured out that not only am I afraid of being hurt, I'm afraid of being annihilated - afraid that it will actually kill me. Forget hurt - that I can take - but I'm afraid of being destroyed - literally. Does any of this ring a bell with you? Do you think your fear of this is that great? Anyway, that was a very eloquent post.... as usual Food for thought .... thanks