Rainbow, I so get how her anxiety would have affected you.

I get the feeling that the topic of her loving you is a very sensitive one? Do you think that the fear that she didn't love you keep you from dealing with your feelings about all of this? And this fear of poking around in all of this is what keeps you from really dealing with it and moving on? So you need to keep up the fantasy with your therapist so that you don't have to deal with the real issues?

I really, really don't doubt that your mother loved you very, very much but I can also see how it would have entered your mind while you were growing up that maybe she didn't love you when your needs weren't getting really getting met and these subconscious thoughts from long ago are keeping you from going there???????