(((((Sanada))))))
Ok, now you were up and very optimistic there for a bit. And now you falling.
Think about when you were up and optimistic, what were you thinking? This is important because now your talking about actually DOING what you were up about and now you are expressing doubts right?

I understand your surroundings and that must be very difficult. But you had a time there where you saw your way through that and you felt better. You are out of practice Sanada, and visiting with your T and someone who is intellectually challenging was good but now your home and feeling low. DOUBT and FEAR are setting in and that is common and what you have to do is, as hard as it might seem, continue moving forward.

Now you threw in that (ex factor) and that was a disappointment to you and maybe a part of you is obviously still troubled over that, because you don't want it to happen again, so you are allowing that experience to prohibit you from gaining. You have to see it for what it is and you cant let that bad experience get in your way any more.

Sanada, your smart and being with your therapist and enjoying that kind of interaction is just a reminder that you actually CAN do it. Sanada, its hard, I am trying to do that too. But you have to give it to yourself and have faith in yourself.
You have to be willing to walk right through your phobia and get to the other side so you can exhale finally. You can do it Sanada, it IS work, but you can do it, your smart Sanada, you have a lot of depth and deserve to you. This is just fear Sanada, nothing more. You have to find a way to pick up your studies and push forward, embrace it as a path and forget about the path that wasn't pleasant.

You can do it Sanada.

Open Eyes