Quote:
Originally Posted by Ygrec23
Insight is the powerful flashlight that will permit you to see things in the stygian gloom of your mind. Facts. Memories. Suppressed realities. Feelings. Insight permits you to connect one thing to another out of what were previously just unrelated things that were lying around. Your T can't tell you all of this because if you're TOLD the answer, if you don't figure it out on your own, the batteries in the flashlight will die and you'll be no better off.
If you feel that way, if you feel that asking or thinking about asking is wrong, that tells you something about your babyhood. What happened and what didn't happen. What do you need? What do you want? Now? When you were tiny? What's so hard to ask for? Now? Then? You fix yourself by exploring all these question marks. And following where the clues lead you. Not by accepting the status quo. Not by renouncing your right to ask. Because you do have a right to ask. And in many life situations you definitely have a right to GET what you ask for. Particularly when you're a baby and totally dependent.
Glad you liked it. Take care!  |
Well, I've been thinking of this a lot lately and I have no idea what happened when I was little; I honestly cannot remember. I am, however, starting to piece some of this stuff together and finding that probably my mother (and most definitely my father) were "shut down" when I was little. It's occurring to me now in life (and this is VERY difficult for me to not turn away from) that they were just kind of.....OK, forget kind of....FLAT OUT "hands off" in the emotional dept. And that got worse the older I got, capping off to an all time high when I was a teenager. I can't go any farther than that for some reason. It's like my mind and heart won't allow me to because the truth hurts
so much. I feel like a 12 yr old in an adult body a lot of the time because of these unmet emotional needs. I mean, I KNOW intellectually that it's not too much to ask, but it really, really feels like it. It's like a visceral reaction, outside of my conscious control.
So I suppose what I really need, first and foremost, is to feel safe to ask for what I need and that I won't be made to feel like I'm knocking on the wrong door and to just go away and find something else to do. I need to feel like someone gives a flying rat's *** about me.
Welp, that's a start, right?
It's good to know I'm not the only one though. That in itself is priceless "therapy".
