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Thank you HappyGuy, Thank you Openeyes.
Both of you are right, I need to challenge concepts and expectations. I know I do have a lot to offer 'open'.
Its so hard and very tough though. My subjective 'self' is just that 'subjective', I need to see the objective. That is what you both have shown me with you're replys (thank you so very much). I will try, I will pick myself through myself to see what I can offer. Like unwrapping a tapestry (only to re-thread it again, but better).
With you're support I'll achieve that.
I do need help though. My best times at the moment is when I sleep and dream. Nightmares or fantastic trips in fantasy in sleep seems better than real life. I place my dreams in stories that I try to make in to scripts, I may as well make something out of a lucid dream.
I do need help though.
Waking alone is the worst nightmare I have ever had (I used to be able to deal with it OK, waking alone). I have moved my bed next to the heater to 'simulate' the warmth of human touch or presence (I know that may seem sad to some people).
My nightmare is it will be like this for the rest of my life (and I am still kinda young).
It seems now that days have become years, years have become lifetimes (but logic tells me that it just 'seems' that way).
Thank You.
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