I wonder if the feeling you missed out on when you were growing up was the feeling of safety? And maybe of nurturing?

Your mother loved you very much, I don't think that's in question at all. It sounds to me like you were missing the fundamental feeling of being safe in the world. Your mom didn't feel safe, and in order to protect her, you didn't tell her the things that made you hurt, or made you sad, or made you afraid. And without being able to share those things with her, it seems like maybe you missed out on the nurturing that would tend to follow when it IS safe to share those things.

I've told T stories of things that have happened between me and my boys...like when one of them has brought a big sadness to me and we've talked about it together...and my T has said "you just made the world a little safer for him". He doesn't say "you made him feel loved". I've always thought that was interesting. Like feeling safe is THAT important.

I wonder if your desire to be with T so much has to do with an unmet need to just be able to say whatever you need to say without worrying that the "caretaker" won't be able to handle it? In a way, by not telling things to your mom, you were taking care of HER. Now T is taking care of YOU.

Feel free to toss out anything that doesn't fit! That's just what struck me when I read your post.

Hugs to you, ((((((rainbow)))))