perhaps NPD.
I'm the one who has been in therapy for self esteem for ages, it's not working, his actions are sabotaging any progress I make. But he blames his behaviour on my problems. I'm not perfect but anyone would be depressed in my situation, I'm sure of it! He says he saw a counsellor that said it was all my fault. Now I asked my counsellor that, and they (I've had CBT and psychotherapy) and they say no real counsellor would say that! Especially not on a first session. We are also going to couples counselling while he continues to cheat. We are supposed to be talking properly, to discuss things but he has catchphrases, not actual feelings if that makes sense, all his behaviour is blamed on the fact I doubt he loves me. The financial mess, losing our home, all due to his lies...then the years of cheating. He looks me in the eye and says he doesn't do it. He makes up laughable excuses for the things I find like condoms on messages that pop up on his phone. Sometimes he is careless and leaves himself logged in. I try not to look, I know I'll find things. I have valium for those days (I really can't cope with anger I feel). As we have 3 children and I currently have no way of leaving him (him leaving me is very easy for him to do but he won't, he promises he will one day) my life is in limbo.
But he is the father of my children, I do love him in someway and he can't be happy being this way.
He has multiple online personas, some of them he uses to big himself up. On groups that are about him for example. I have no idea how someone can lie like that. Even about mundane nonsense. He loves cold callers, he pretends to be other people.
He says I find him arrogant because I am so self deprecating, but of course I am now. I'm not good enough for him, I feel ugly and awful. I wasn't enough for him. He's not in work right now so I'm working all hours (but this stress effects my work), I don't sleep very much working late while he trawls the net getting his ego stroked. I beg him to get help. But then he manages to turn it around (as he is pretty much the only adult in my life I see regularly) to it being all my fault...and I believe him when he is here in the house all the time reminding me.
Life is too short, my children are growing up in a miserable house, I cant get out, I can't change him. I really am very stuck. I can't get any more help than I'm already getting. You can't make a marriage work on your own.