Thanks for taking time responding.

Hi there Christine08,

Yes It hurt. Everyday I came back to my house crying, begging my mom to change schools.

What was it like before you got to the house? Was your mom willing to talk to you right when you got home-do you remember what it was like to tell her? What was her reaction-and how did you feel about it? I'm thinkin talking about it may help uncover he pain that you expereinced back then and is now affecting you today;

I ask this cautiously-what about your dad?

As a kid this happened to me very much, and even know. Everything comes back to my head when this happens, i can't control it

I can imagine the amount of anxiety it kicks up for you when it happens-makes sense that it would be hard and triggering to keep experiencing it.

and the truth is I dont trust people, I don't let anyone close, because I know they will hurt me, talk to me behind my back, who needs that?

Was this just with your peers, or do you recall other relationships in which you felt betrayed?

I prefer to be alone, but at the same time, loneliness can be to tough to endure.

Protecting yourself is a good thing-but your right-there is the lonliness; I can imagine that when you do come across someone you might want to try to trust, it must be so scary, the fear that they could turn on you at any point, and then you're alone again?

I understand what you are saying. I do feel crazy sometimes, always thinking "should I say this, should i even care talking? better keep quiet."

Do you remember the last time this happened? Where were you, what kind of peeps were you with, and when did you start to feel the anxiety? What things were being discussed? I understand if you don't want to throw all of the details out here in public-I can see how that would trigger your fears of what others may think; I hafta say though, it's awesome that you were able to post thus far carry the anxities you have! What do you feel when you end up staying quiet?

I feel it, i know it, they are speaking about me, my looks,

Looks are the first thing that came up for you-have you ever had someone you really respected make a comment about your looks?
Let me know if I am overwhelming you with all these questions yo-I encourage you to be able to express these rather threatening thoughts at your own pace; on that note...what do you feel they are thinking or saying about your looks?

or a particular situation, laughing about me.

You feel like you are living in a constant state of humiliation?

And then comes the other situation, where I see the expression on people face, I wish sometimes don't understand anything at all of people faces and emotions. It is so hard to talk to someone, cause if i made a goofy act or talk goofy the other person makes an expression of "what the hell" she is weird,

Good description-I know those looks; anyone in your family ever give you that look(s)?

and then comes again, the need for acceptance, cause my all life i felt no one accepted me, and that is why they ignored me.

So when people don't give you hurtful looks, they ignore you?! Jeez! Expressing yourself must be difficult if no one is receptive!

Everyone, boys, girls, laughing at me, calling me ugly. I guess they woke up one day and decided, well today we will not talk to her, just ignore her. Then my best friend when she was alone with me she was ok but then in front of other people when i talked she always said "shut up" "go away" treating me like crap and that sort of things.