Chippie,

You say your sweetie has cut before. Chances are, he's not scared OF you, he's scared FOR you - because he knows the depth of the pain that causes you to SI. When my family found out my sister cut, we were all terrified that we were about to lose her - we felt helpless and didn't know what do to. Now with some education under our belts, its much easier to understand and to help. We don't judge, we just let her know that whatever she needs or wants us to do to help her feel better, we'll be there. Who would we be to judge someone else's pain as irrational, dumb, or stupid? We haven't all been in everyone else's shoes. Your feelings are absoultely valid, no matter why you have them. It's not like you can magically "poof!" make them go away. Right now, you're dealing the best way you know how. There are healthier ways to deal with this kind of pain, but if you are not there yet then forcing you isn't going to make it help. I'm bipolar I and my fiance has been with me through some of the most crushing depression and most violent manic episodes. My embarassment because of my behavior has not made him love me any less - in fact he loves me more because I am comfortable enough around him not to put on a false front just to please him. Don't feel that you have to hide this from your boyfriend - help him become educated, tell him how he can best help you - even if it's just a shoulder to cry on or to hear you vent or anything that can keep those emotions from bottling up.

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett