i am sorry to hear what happened to you. you are probably right, a lot of babies who had this happen did not survive so there are few reports of what eventually became of survivors. perhaps it's just one of those mysteries of life that we all have to live with. it might be best to just focus on the present since you are dealing with side-effects from what happened than worry about what happened in the past. i know it sounds harsh but staying in the present is so important.

i was born 5.5 weeks premature. there was a lot of bleeding when i was born and both my mother and i were given last rites. somehow, we both survived. my mother was actually discharged from the hospital first; i was put in incubation and stayed a few more days on my own. my relationship with my mother has always been rocky and sometimes i believe that she sees me as someone who tried to kill her when i was born. of course, that thought is ridiculous but it's always in the back of my mind to explain her cold treatment of me. will i ever know the answer - no, probably not. just like i will never know if the isolation from being incubated and denied of human touch so early in life has affected my relationships. (frankly, i think it has.) still, i will never know for sure. i guess that's one of life's conditions. there is so much about ourselves that we would like to know but never will. despite the negative effects such things have had or may have had on my development, i just try to stay in the present and deal with what i've been dealt. frankly, being in the present is hard enough!

i know it cannot be easy to deal with the emotional and physical affects of what happened to you. and, since you probably have no memory of the event, it makes it even more complex. i hope you find forgiveness for those who harmed you and gratitude for the life you have.