Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseduk
squiggle  I think doing the 2 jobs you do, you feel you have to be this wonderful person and you feel guilty when sometimes for whatever you can't be. That's how I feel about me sometimes anyway. I think you are too hard on yourself but sometimes it's easier to believe the bad stuff rather than good things. Kind of a self punishment maybe. You've come really far despite your struggles with therapy, I hope you get to continue your hard work  |
Yes, it easier to believe the 'bad' stuff than to accept a compliment. Funny though. I don't see myself as a negative person at all. I think that only comes out in my writing?
I am very successful in my profession. My therapist says that it is because I am somewhat in my comfort zone. As a teacher, the focus is not on me, but on my students. It is ALL about my students. That is my goal. To see them succeed and acheive their greatest potential.
I can accept that I have come a long way in therapy. My worry is that SHE will get tired of me. Where does that come from? That is the question that I need to explore. I am so afraid that SHE will dump me before I feel that I am ready.
Since I foresee that I will need therapy for a long time, that bothers me. I know that SHE has got to get tired of hearing me talk about the same stuff all the time.
I don't accept that others will stay with me as long as I need them to be with me. Past experiences? Yes, they most definitely affect why I think this way. I don't know how to really believe that someone will stay with me and 'want' me to be around until I feel that I am okay to stand on my own.
Isn't it odd how one or two really bad experiences in life can have such a hold on you? Those experiences can completely destroy a person. I don't even know why those particular experiences burned me so bad, but they did. I keep thinking that I have worked through them and I have put them in the past, but I keep being triggered right back to them. Why?