Thank you all very much for your advice. Although I don't think my husband will ever believe counseling will help. I offered joint counseling and then I offered just him but no go. He said the damage is done and he'll always carry it. I believe he thinks there is shame in reaching out for help or if people find he's in counseling they will say stuff. I don't know for sure though, but he's not talking to me. He needs to talk to someone or else this cycle we're in will just continue. He'll be ok for days, weeks or even months until something triggers it. Maybe I should buy him a journal in hopes he'll write it all down.