Thank you for sharing, vaffla, and I'm so glad to know that sharing your fantasies with her went so well! I think with my previous therapist, about whom I had such fantasies, this is similar to how I understood it. I wanted to give her pleasure as she'd given me so many other important deep loving emotions--loving me unconditionally, holding my hand, crying with and for me, etc. and I know that I can't return these because of the nature of the psychotherapy relationship - I can't emotionally be there for her. Not that the physical part is something that I could give to her given these boundaries, but they would be easier to give for me. It's confusing.
Probably on Friday I'll bring up the wetness w/ my therapist -- I won't play this out ahead of time in my head, but I also will not be afraid to share the mastubatory fantasies about my previous therapist.
All of you have enormously helped me to get to this point of feeling safer to share knowing that I'm not alone in this and others have shared with success. My therapist is amazing and I know that she'll respond well. Thank you!