I've been in a downward spiral since 2007. Prior to then I was a binge drinker but could take it or leave it. I've been over on the bipolar forum to discuss my bipolarism but it's clear to me now that alcoholism is my main bete noire; I'm betting that dealing with bp-ism will be a breeze after I kick the alky habit. Coke has been a problem the last year too, but is no longer. No, it's just the damned bottle right now. Been to AA since early 2010 and it's done some good. I keep relapsing though. When you work with fishermen, you don't turn down a shot of whiskey.

I just wish there was an easier time to kick the habit. My fiancee has a lump in her lung, my father has a mass on his heart and I'm facing a month in jail for OUI-related offense. **** is hitting the proverbial fan. And I'm drunk to boot.

I never let anyone in my life because I wanted to always shield them from my madness. Now I need help and I don't know how to ask for it. Maybe I can get something here, I don't know. Really I just need to talk. I'm a tough guy so I hate acting like a *****, which I know is not really the case at all. It's just our damned macho culture that deludes us into thinking this way. Anyway, whatever you all can give me I'm sure will help more than you know. Gracias.