In the yr 2000, a close friend of mine and myself found ourselves inlove with one an0ther. We didn't act on our feelings as it was improper as he was dating a friend of mine. We graduated HS with our friendship intact,and lots of repressed emoti0ns. He went sailing for a few years,i had a daughter ( we kept intouch via FB ) fast forward to 2009, he came h0me to dry land, he wanted to c0me visit, we ended up kissing in a n0t so platonic fashion. We discussed our feelings and discovered we never got over one an0ther. Then the drama startd. I was HEAVILY unstable,em0ti0nally and mentally ( just before my dx) and didn't want to involve him. He had decided he was a sucky bf, and didn't want to cheat on me. I kn0w i kn0w, a cop out. But he's been 1 of my closest friends for so long, protected me through out HS, I trusted him and still do... It's been 2yrs that we've been seeing eachother UN0FFICIALLY, he plays the part of bf BRILLIANTLY, but refuses the label. And i've c0me to the realizati0n that i want m0re,need m0re. Even if it means losing him. I sent him texts about how i cann0t and will n0t carry on our relati0nship only to hand him over to s0me other lady when he's ready to settle down. And in classic Rowan style, he didn't reply. So i guess this is go0dbye for go0d, and it makes me sad... Part of me wants to hold on regardless of the price,but the rest of me kn0ws it's time to grow up. I need to set a go0d example for my daughter, and if i intend to have a husband and a family of my own, i can't waste my pretty on s0meone who ultimately doesn't want it. I just need some hugs and reassurance. Part of me wants to rather die than be without him. He's my soulmate :'(