I'd be lying if I said I haven't been told 100 times that I need to decide what I am willing to put up with. Not sure why I keep doing it.

at any rate,
the last blow up we had was just prior to this original post, and was driven by a few main things:
1 - contacting her boss with text message (inappropriate) and meeting him alone (nothing sexual happened). I have confronted other man, he stopped contact, and she had nerve to tell me she stopped teh contact.
2 - lying about the above (has happened before, she also gambles and lies about that too)
3 - refuses to let me go to doc appointments, and now she eeven claims that when i ask her to go she feels like wrapping truck around a tree
4 - refuses to talk about our (my) issues, she claims it makes her want to throw up

here we are after a month or so of pretending things are ok again, and she has contacted him again.
simple messages talking about day to day stuff, but regardless
i confronted her on it because she lied, gave her opportunity to come clean and she did not.

sent her on her own with our daughters to her families hosue for thanksgiving because i was extremely upset.

i tried to adress all issues, she either lied, or just outright refuses to talk about them.

it is so obvious that she wont change, yet I keep letting it go and pretending, and suffering with my own thoughts every day.

now catching her in this lie again takes it from pretending to all out anger again and i am just fed up. (but then again, i have said this 100 times too)

she hasnt even said anything about the lies, as soon as i told ehr I know she chatted with him, and that she lied, adn that i need a few days to think, her response was "ok i guess we will just leave it at that"
today, she is acting like she doesnt know how upset i am.

why hasnt the last 5 years convinced me that she will never change!

my obviouse downfall is sexual fullfillment. after a while i give in because i miss teh sexual fulfillment and am tired of teh distance between us every day.

i guess the only thing i can do is sleep in a different bedroom until i can afford to make permanent changes

would be nice to chat one on one with someone in similar position