Your're right Perna, I dont have anything else in my life. Its just me, hubby & my 2 daughters who are 10yrs & 17yrs. We're healthy & generally happy but i am lonely which leads to boredom i guess. Me & hubby took ourselves well & truely out of the circle of friends/acquaintences 2yrs ago when we left the messy scene we were associated with. Which left us with noone but it had to be done. I guess it'll take a little more time to find a job & some friends then maybe the strenghth you talk about. Its just not always that black & white. Sure im not a weak person im just finding it hard to find the strenghth within (again)! But im a survivor so for now i'll keep your words of strenghth & wisdom right along side me & i thank you for your thoughts.