He left on a whim, after I told him I feared him. Took it personally, threw up his hands and said he was tired of it.

What did I do wrong?

I'm so sorry I was ever afraid to begin with. Now I try to act like I'm not afraid around him. I want him to accept me. But the truth is, is that I'm more afraid of him then ever before.

I still have to be around him. And it kills me. How could he just give up on me? I told him, because I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know I was scared of him. And he walked away.

I'm so afraid he'll get close to me again. And it will happen all over. I am even more afraid that we'll never be close again. And there will forever be a elephant in the middle of the room.

I want to ask him some days. I want to ask him. "What happened between us". Because one minute he was there and the next he was gone.

And I'm not ready to replace him with a new therapist. I don't feel her the way I felt him. She's distant and cold. She's not him. I canceled my session today because I had to go to the ER to find out I had an ovarian cyst. Not that that matters, because now I have to call her back for another appointment and I don't want to. She's not Andy. She's not him. And our relationship isn't the same.

I hate wanting something so bad, and knowing it's not good for me. Sometimes I get so lonely now. I'm so afraid to talk to people. But I wasn't afraid to talk to him. I just got scared. I was paranoid. I shouldn't have told him. I should have kept my mouth shut.

I'm so lonely.