Hi Melisssad, I can really relate to what you describe. I hope you find a way of being able to share this with T, it is a hard thing to be dealing with on your own. I couldn't tell my T everything, but I emailed the samaritans and could just let out all the stuff that was in my head. They responded and were brilliant. I think sharing with T is best if you can though. Could you write it down for T? Take care, Soup