This is a follow-up to my thread "Important Session Coming up."

I went to T yesterday ready to hear about the conversation my T had with my mom's pdoc-- ready find out about my biological mom's diagnosis, psychiatric history, etc. But when I got there, T said my mom's pdoc rescheduled the appointment! So, no news at the session. However, T talked to the pdoc today and she called me afterwards to give me the main points-- we'll talk more during our regular session next week.

So my mom's diagnosis is that she has Bipolar 1 (with frequent manic episodes) and dementia, in addition to multiple sclerosis. I knew she had something, but I really had no idea it was Bipolar 1. The only thing my dad would ever say is "she's depressed" so it actually feels really good to hear she has something more than depression and to know that her aggression, lashing out, delusions, and irrational behavior can be attributed to manic episodes.

After the conversation with T, I called my dad and told him what T said. I thought he was going to brush it off like usual, but he didn't. He actually opened up and had a long conversation with me, and gave me a LOT more information. Information I had NO IDEA about. He told me my mom had a history of suicide attempts, including a big one right before I was born. My dad came home and found her passed out in her car in the garage from carbon monoxide and he rushed her to the hospital. She almost didn't make it. It's weird to think that if my dad hadn't came home right when he did, I never would have been born. Hearing all of this explains a lot about my mom, but it explains even more about my dad. I often experience my dad as cold, distant, and angry, but I think a lot of that is due to the difficulty he's had dealing with my mom's illness. It also explains some of his reactions to me. For instance, when I was a teenager, I had the habit of starting the car in the garage and THEN looking for the garage door opener. One time my dad walked into the garage and saw me sitting in the car, with the ignition running (i was looking for the opener). He FREAKED OUT and screamed a million swear words at me. I thought he was being an asshole. Now I get it.

My dad told me several other things as well, and it was the first honest conversation we've ever had about my mom. All of the stuff i learned is difficult to hear and process. Right now, I feel like I'm in a little bit of a daze. I'm not upset, I just feel kind of stunned. I want to talk to T about it, but it's too late in the evening to contact her and, by tomorrow, I'll probably be okay and can wait until next session. Still, I wish I had heard this information at a time when I had access to T. I would have liked to be able to process it right away. But, for those who said I shouldn't try and plan how this information was presented to me-- well, I certainly didn't!!!

I'm not sure what to ask for in terms of feedback/support, but I really would like some kind of responses. I don't know how to process or handle this information. I feel really "alone" with this info right now, and would like to reach out!

THANKS!!!!