I'm here flooded.i know how this all feels.i get totally terrified when i have to go to T and i also have such a hard time accepting that my T has my best interests at heart and isn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt me at all.i also get scared of the feelings i have when i go to therapy.it can be a mess.i hope you are talking to your T about this and T is able to ease your mind a bit about it