First, I wanna say I can relate to lot of what you say, Secretum.


I want to go to med school, but I question whether it would be a good idea to pursue such a high pressure career. I can scarcely take care of myself; how can I care for others? But I can't see myself doing anything else with my life.

I want to do something incredible. I want my life to mean something. But I am unwilling/unable to put forth the effort required. I long to be able to work hard, like I did a few years ago, but the thought of the associated pain drives me away.

If one has dream, they have to pursue it hard. Dreams require sacrifizes... maybe it will take longer than you would like to... to achieve it, but if this is what you want to do... go for it. Don't stray

I impulsively almost stepped in front of a bus today. This is starting to scare me. I want to live, I just don't want to live like this. I've read about kindling theory. If I don't get this under control now, it will only get worse. But I don't know how to get it under control. Call my pdoc? The only thing she can do is prescribe drugs that probably won't work, and that very well could make things worse.

Kindling theory is... just a theory. I believe it is possible to grow out of the quirk a bit... at least get used to it, me more distracted.

What can you do right now to improve the situation, just a bit?