I'm not sure if I'm looking for a way to keep doing it or not atm. But I'm really glad you are trying to justify it for yourself . I think wanting to do it is enough of a reason, but I also think the other symptoms you mentioned (that I listed above) are good reasons.

For myself, I guess being upset that t didn't respond about what happened when I was late means I wanted it to work. I wanted him to care whether it works more than he does. But that's just part of the whole thing of wanting therapy to help more than it realistically can help for what I'm dealing with, I think. Knowing most therapists don't/can't be expected to care much about the relatively small issues I'm dealing with just makes it too fake