so as most of you know i missed my session last Monday do to the holiday AGAIN.i really did miss her or going to therapy .i don't know which but i guess it is one in the same.anyway the point is i really missed her i swear it is because i don't feel all that connected to her when i want to.i feel i wouldn't miss her if i even felt a little bit attached or something .i would be able to know that she is there and wanting to help me.she has told me i could call her any time she is in her office etc..i did this only once and only said OK when she called me back not exactly a conversation on my part.
the only way i know of to feel this connection is to start to talk to her,if i do this i will know her better.i did this with my husband but he wasn't into wanting to know all my deep dark past secretes.she DOES.i for the most part can talk to her about small talk .like wow you got a new plant .believe me this is progress .but i still don't feel any trust or connection.i know this may sound stupid but i just have no idea how to take it to the next level..maybe it is by answering the questions she asks like i said in another post.i remember a few weeks ago she asked a apparently safe question."how did you meet your best friend?" i answered and by the time i realized it i was talking quite a bit about my trip to take care of the mother and how it was .but once i kind of realized what i was saying i quickly shut up.in fact i think i even said oh god i think it is time for me to shut up.so maybe i need to just answer any questions she may ask and relax and go with it.but what if she doesn't ask questions and what if i realize i am talking about hurtful things and want to stop how do i continue.it is so hard but i seem to want to trust her .but cant seem to take this leap of faith.i know i don't have any Monday holidays for a while now so maybe it is the time to try.I'm terrified