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madisgram · Oct 12, 2011, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by megannadams

I want him in my life. He has asked me to help him sober up, I just do not know how to do that. Aside from not allowing him to get drinks and such. But even then I can't hover and caudal him, it is his decision to get sober, he has to want it. As far as mine and my daughters life, I want him in it, and I want all of us to be financially stable, through with school and able to take family vacations. I want to get married, build a house, and live the "American Dream".

there's no way any of us can help an alcoholic control their drinking. it is all on them what they choose to do or not do.
imo, if you want the american dream, as long as he drinks it will be better referenced as the american nightmare. if you stay with him while he continues to drink you will be part of the problem not part of the solution. your life and your daughters life will be a living hell.

Quote:

Enabling - When 'Helping' Doesn't Really Help

Many times when family and friends try to "help" alcoholics, they are actually making it easier for them to continue in the progression of the disease.
This baffling phenomenon is called enabling, which takes many forms, all of which have the same effect -- allowing the alcoholic to avoid the consequences of his actions. This in turn allows the alcoholic to continue merrily along his (or her) drinking ways, secure in the knowledge that no matter how much he screws up, somebody will always be there to rescue him from his mistakes. ETC.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa052197.htm

i do hope you will read this article. there's a quiz also for to to take if you are curious about your part, if any, is occuring.
oh and you may want to post in the addictions forum. lots of career drinkers there who are now sober. it may enlighten you getting their replies.