>>>>> I feel like there is a conspiracy against me when I start to get this way. (aka being a product of big pharm) My pdoc said I should ask others to see what they do to get over this. She told me to go back when I'm ready. <<<<<<<<<

Sounds like paranoid delusions. I can't believe your Pdoc said to ask others and didn't help you, then just told you to come back when you're ready?...

See a Tdoc for help with thought stopping techniques. Your mind is playing tricks on you... make sure you are taking an antipsychotic and perhaps it needs increased a bit.
I'm not a doc, just giving my 2 cents. Take what you like and leave the rest.