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(JD) · Oct 12, 2011, 03:46 PM

Every morning when I wake (for the day, I mean, not during the night because of pain)...I try to welcome the day, say Good Morning to God, and get up. Generally, it's a struggle due to the chronic pain and it takes at least 15 minutes for enough of the medicine to get me functioning...and another 45 minutes for full vision to adjust.

For several weeks it's been... during that first few minutes...the thoughts added were Oh no I woke up.

I was thinking lately that it was an exogenous depression (meaning reactions to external issues, thoughts about such) and have been working to try and change that thinking and just have hit wall after wall....

Yesterday when I saw my MD (for what I thought was a complete physical (not) ... I did convince her to give me a shot of cortizone (decadron) because of the sciatic pain from inflammation. Last night I realized that I actually thought I smelled my coffee. This morning I know I smelled coffee. Coming back from a late lunch today, when I got into the car I smelled gas. Phew! OH! I smelled fuel!!! My mood is up some too... and I thought it was because I used to eat out daily and haven't in months and did go and get pizza...

But now I think that it's my allergies that have caused the depression (indogenous) ... the rains have been relentless and I know that causes mildew or mold on the screens in the patio and in the air in general... etc... the decadron, while helping with the inflammation and also clearing up my lungs some... is obviously fighting the allergies as well.

In short, I'm not so depressed today as I have been.