Espritlibre- thank you- yes it is very frustrating in ways. and I totally agree with " We do not fit into boxes!".. I know that their book they go by isnt all and everything, and that it can be hard for them to figure out where people fit.

I rather just had the Pdoc put un dx- need more information. Of Course I say that now, but at least it would had been honest.


Dijmart- That is "pooey", I think that the Pdoc did not tell you, but you have to find out from the therapist you are seeing. It is not right in away cuz how are you to help you at the time? what if you dont see that therapist after talking to the Pdock let's say, what then you go un-treated..- That really Bothers me in my case with the Pdoc, and I can not seem to let it go with this guy. I do give him some leway for he is new at the county office that i am going to (i am new too but I see that they are all rushed, I can see and feel and even the Therapist let me know she was overwhelmed with some stuff- so i can give the Pdoc some slack, I just wish he would had been honest) and I get that he is to assets each thing I tell him, and disprove it - however if he did not feel i was bipolar when talking to him, why write it down? I think he should had called to say something about my dx.

I believe you are correct with the "me voices" as I like to call them- I don't think are psychosis cause they are me- just an odd thing that I go through and can be different me's -some times I am unaware that I a me voice can be so mean or evil, but they are me... some times I feel a hint of my mother in the angry ones but they are still me. Or I can get, like "memory yells" I guess you could call them (i grew up in a very angry house, so sometimes I have memory yellings from my brothers or dad or mom too)- but those are memory yells I know who they are and where they come from, May Not Why they Come out- but I recognize them. At time it is not in my head with the memory yells I feel as if they are coming from out side- but still. I am not sure what a doc would say about those..

But Psychosis Voices would be voices that I don't know and are unaware of where they come from right?
The only audio hallucination that I can say I have is static music that I hear some times, it can be 3 am and i hear a "radio that is very staticky" almost like "white noise" but with a hint of some sort of music behind it. I can walk around and find it is not clearer any where- I figure this is just me.

Thank you for the reference about the American Journal
I concur that the Pdoc should assest.

It scars me a little, cuz I just want to know what may be wrong and go with treatment to best better serve to help me. I dont want to be Dx and find out years later that actually I am something else with dx that needed to treated entirely differently than how I was being treated for.


BNLsMOM- That actually makes sense to me, I know we can't go in and get a blood test or get our head chemical checked.. IT would be sort of nice if we could to me
It makes sense that it is where they can fit a person, where it can be disproven for what, and so on.
I think I may had expected more out of a professional with helping me with finding a route. I do understand that it takes time with things. And don't get me wrong- I like my therapist right now, she seems willing to look into things with me to try to help find what treatment would best fit me. And best of all I think her suggestions and her asking questions and the book she recommended for me to do work out of (DBT work book), really would help with any dx...



Puglover82- I so Agree with some times you just gotta laugh...
My dad use to tell me as a child: Sometimes you either laugh or you cry-- and which would you rather do?
I try to find humor- with things... especially with things that are hard cuz in the end it usually makes it easier if I am so negative with it.



Farmergirl: I do agree it takes time, that is why I am like maybe it would had been better for him to just put un-dx at this time need more information, instead of telling me one thing and going with another to tell my therapist.

I see what you are saying with Bipolar 1 and Biploar 2 and the treatment to begin with are similar; however what if someone is DID instead of Bipolar? those need two different treatments- I hear that even that can get confused due to some DID patients can hide and it can appear to a professional as Bipolar. That scares me a lot... It scares me for, I dont think I have DID, but what if I am unaware- I read stories on that as well that people can be unaware of having DID... I do think that I have some dissociation which can fit with a lot (pstd, borderline and so one), but I do not believe it to be DID... There are times that I dont feel like me- Or different me.. It is had to explain. I guess the best example is I can be very cocky me- and feel great, then I can be negative and depressed me, and be down and rude. And there are other times- I dont quite feel just like myself... I am not sure if Bipolar is like that. I would think, mood swings can be a cocky person and a depressed person... IDK that is what I would think logically...


As long as the person is laughing with me and not at me, then I'm fine with it
I can toast to that for sure!

Thank you all for you replies to me on this- I really do appreciate it. It helps me more to go in and talk to my therapist about some things. See when I started this with the county i was also trying to get into an organization that specifically focuses on Bipolar. I kept missing the calls (work nights and the return call was usually in the afternoon after I feel asleep). Then I sort got upset with this Pdoc- and I stopped calling leaving messages with the organization. I will call again today to ask if I can restart the process and get an appointment In. I understand I will have to go back on the waiting list and perhaps re-do their first talking on the phone with information. But they may be able to tell me weather or not I am or not bipolar and help with directing me where i may be.

In addition: I do give this Pdoc some slack though at times, due to he is new at the county- and I am new at the county and I can see already that these therapists and doctors and rushed and over loaded with patients- they all seemed rushed as I talk to them (the receptionists at the place seem nice and ok though).. This Pdoc seemed to have trouble with where to start- About a half hour into my session with him, he was like "Ok let's stop and get some history first before we go on" It did not seem like a "tacktic" of his, he seemed generally not knowing where to start. IDK Though- Perhaps this is how all Pdocs are.... but I would think Pdocs would be like Doctors that I see a cold for- they get some history before assessing the problem of my cold.
On the other hand- Perhaps he did not understand me fully. I do some times tend to confuse people but I know on some things he understood (like the rocks, cuz he asked what did the rocks mean- and I told him messages- and he asked- what were the messages? and I told him what I thought the messages were).... But it is ok- All I want is some help and stop going threw hell sometimes or my chaotic ball of emotions as i like to call it.

And as I wrote before and I need to remember to keep myself going on this: I DO NOT WANT TO BE 70 and Still going through all this with no help.

Thank you all again!!!! I wish you all well!