Thanks for your long answer, and for sharing your experiences.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
It's your perception that others don't like you much? That's a lonely perception which may or may not be true but still, is a perception and perceptions are all from us. Another person can't give us a perception, can't interpret how we see things because it's us doing the seeing.
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Actually, I wrote it's my
experience that others don't like me much, which is probably a little different than perception. I notice in this part of your post I quoted, and in other posts of yours, you tend to emphasize the detachment between people, such as the ways people are individually responsible rather than the ways people influence each other. Sometimes I think there are two ways to look at the same thing, and there's not really any right answer to the question of whether we are influenced by others or we are responsible for ourselves. Well, at least in some situations there's not an answer I think. Of course we know we're influenced by others, unless we're hermits. But sometimes it's a good idea to take an extremely independent perspective and use a lot of will power to force oneself to try to change one's perception, in spite of what it would naturally be based on how others/environment/history/etc influence us. Other times it's good to acknowledge we are influenced by others and we can't control everything by ourselves (a perception that someone is running at you with a knife, would be an example of that - think I'd rather acknowledge reality and RUN than change my perception on that one
).
I do have a lot of nice colleagues, friends, acquaintances, etc and don't mean to put them down when I say I experience that people don't like me much. I can understand that my current experience has to do with my experience of being bullied through school and not supported through it by my parents very well. My father did care but is quite oblivious socially. My Mom got angry at me. Being treated like I was unacceptable growing up makes it harder to act comfortable around people now, and I know that it makes it harder for people to care about me now. Knowing that helps me figure out insights into what to do about it sometimes. So I think my story has similarities to yours, and many people's, Perna. I'm sorry you went through so many years of therapy that didn't help. That's quite a lot. And it's great that it has ended up being worth it for you now. I don't know how to make therapy useful for me, and I don't know as I can be okay with going back to t if he doesn't respond to me. PC is helpful though
. thank you