Quote:
Originally Posted by JustWannaDisappear
Most of the time. After my first session with her, I broke down crying. I canceled the morning of my second session. I was ready to bolt. She called me and left a message making sure I was okay and said she was concerned that I had canceled.
Now, I only cancel when I need to. I do have high anxiety and so many sessions I'm scared and would love to just not go, but I know from previous sessions that, that's when I need to go the most. I feel like she truly understands me. I didn't feel that way before with the others. Therapy is hard. Sometimes is sucks. Sometimes it's great, mostly it's confusing and exhausting, but I'm more tired of suffering in silence.
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I totally get you with the high anxiety, I have that too. I'm ready to bolt every darn week. I don't dislike him (he really does seem like a nice person....but then again, who knows), but I'm not so sure he gets me yet; I'm going to wager he does not. I'm not sure what it's going to take to get ME to open up more, trust more, etc. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself and asking too much, too fast. Or maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to bolt and avoid the self evaluating. And the thing that makes the whole situation a tangled up mess is that my anxiety gets in the way BIG TIME. I just want it gone; I hate that I have anxiety issues.
Thanks so much for listening and talking to me about this guys!