It's our 2 year anniversary today... Last year he said nothing... Now today we get into a fight. Because he thinks I'm some kind of jealous freak. I've been hiding my jealousy from him. Shoving it way down and grinning and bearing it. But he still continues to insist that I'm jealous. I can't handle this I just want to yell "No no no no no!!!" Run away and start over alone just me and my little girl. Give up on any kind of friendship or relationship. Just me and her, the rest of the world does not exist. Is that healthy? I want to run. I always run. I want to make things work and I've been trying so hard to change and be a better person for him but it's not enough so I feel like I need to leave before he does.

We had a huge blow out fight a couple weeks ago. I apologized and told him I would change and I have. Every day I'm working hard to change but he doesn't see it. The more he doesn't see it the more I want to just give up and go back. What's the point of changing if he's still going to think the same things about me? What's the point of staying if he things so many bad things about me being jealous and upset all the time and all of that... I love him... So much... Enough to run away from the pain if he leaves or pushes me out. I think I'm already being pushed out....

I don't know anymore I just have this urge to grab my daughter from school and leave town right this second. But I have no car no money and a full time job... But I can't just wait for him to decide he no longer wants me!