Ok what is a pocket rider? I feel left out not knowing. Therapy is hard work. It is scary and demanding. The r/s you have with your T is like no other in nature. The r/s is hard to define, especially if your emotional development was stunted and you have picked up and kept the coping strategies you needed to survive in childhood. Procedural memory is really hard to rewrite. The books In Session by D. Lott and Getting through the day by Nancy Napier have really helped me. My journal helps. I write and color in it. I tell T How anxious I am the night before session. I am a seasoned client and I can tell you with all certainty that if PC would have been around my first time in therapy, I may have been more successful. Therapy is not a mystery anymore. Dont stop posting on PC, I believe it can help you in time. at least reading others entries has also really helped me. I have session today and I am holding my stuffies T let me borrow so session still makes me nervous. And the stuffies help even though I am embarrassed by their presence in my arms. Peace to you.