"What can make this kind of thing so hurtful is the belief that the T, ever aware and mindful of the emotional scar that the exact same act had caused you, has nevertheless made a conscious choice to force you relive it (be it out of self-interest or malice)"

Sometimes T's do make a conscious choice to force us to relive something extremely painful but it doesn't always mean it's due to self-interest or malice. Sometimes it's out of genuine concern for our well being. If we're potentially setting ourselves up for disaster or heartbreak but we want something so desperately that we are unable to see the dangers realistically, the kindest intervention, regardless of how painful it may be, is to insist that we take a closer look at it. I see neither self-interest not malice in Calista's T's message. I see concern for Calista and for her grandchild. I understand that it feels very hurtful because it feels as though her T is treating her the same way, but the operative word here is "feels." Feelings are not necessarily facts, so even though it feels the same as it did in the past, I don't see that her T is acting out of malice or self-interest or ignorance at all. I see him acting out of genuine concern, because IF something were to happen to the baby then Calista would be forced to experience a much deeper, more profound pain than what she is feeling right now. And she would likely relive it for the rest of her life.