Today was a good day, that is... Until my boyfriend texted me. He told me it doesn't feel like we're dating, that we're just really good friends who eat lunch together everyday. And the reasoning? He didn't say, but I know it's because I won't hold hands with him or hug him or anything like that.

This makes me really upset because I told him and we've discussed it, that holding hands and doing stuff like that makes me incredibly nervous and he's respected it. But apparently not genuinely. Obviously, if he feels this way about it, then he wants something that he should know he's not going to get from me.

This makes me depressed because now I feel horrible. I like him and don't want to upset him, but I also feel so out of place in the world. I can't even hold hands with my own boyfriend? I feel like a freak, I really do.

And now I'm feeling depressed because of my mental illness and feeling upset that I even have it in the first place....

And that's pretty much how my train of thoughts went and are at the moment.

I don't know what to do. D: