I am so lonely today. I stayed in bed most of the day. Didn't feel like myself much. I chased everyone away. It's my fault. I got my meds a little later then usual, so I don't know if that's why.

I tried to entertain myself. Made spinach dip and cheesecake brownies. But it didn't work. Cleaned some. Still didn't work. Got a hot bath. But even if I'm around people, I still feel so lonely. I could be in a huge crowd and still feel lonely.

Nobody gets it. Nobody understands. I was in the ER all day tuesday because of a cyst of my ovary. I missed therapy with this new therapist. But I don't like her enough to reschedule. I know she's waiting for me to call and reschedule, but I don't want to. I hope she just forgets we ever met.

I'm so lonely, but I don't want to be around anyone. It makes no sense at all. I guess because even when I am around people, the feeling doesn't go away.

I see them do things, things I wish I could do. Normal stuff. And it makes me hate myself more.