I'm am getting close to the 1annaverary of my mother who died in June ,For the past year I have played the last few months of my mother's life in my head over and over. I don't sleep all that well ,becouse of the phone, I feel like someone will call about her,I can remember everything that happen month by month day by day, I have nite mares of everything that happen in the past year.I know she is gone, I feel like she is here in someway. Oh how are miss her and her life was cut short becouse cancer .She fought so hard for her life,I think she found the strighth in me to keep on fighting. I feel so empty like I lost something and I'll never get it back .I know I lost a parent, I lost my best friend too , I need my mother in my life but now I don't have her anymore.I want to cry but the tears won't come,I wanted to cry ever sence this all happen but nothing, Am I normal for not crying ?Yes I feel real bad that I lost her. Lift with out her seems so very empty for me, I have qucation but there is no one who could answer them for me only her.I feel so very lost and I can't find my way anymore with out her. I know she would want me to feel this way but I do .I go to her grave and try to let it all out but it doesn't .I feel like I did something in my life for her to be taken from us, I know everyone says it was her time but I think it was the cancer.
I hope my post doesn't upset anyone ,I need to do something with this whole thing but it is a very long story for me to write. I thought if I post this it would help start to get it all out.@ this point I just don't know what is right for me anymore.