I think one of the problems here is that we need to think of what WE want and not what we are pressured into... which is sometimes superhard to tell, especially if you grow up with perfectionist parents.

Or you simply live in society that has some standards. ANd I am talking society which values money before actual humane value.

it sorta reminds me of tales of mere existence

I’ve been wondering lately about the choices I’ve made – that we’ve all made in life. About priorities. My health, my family’s well-being, doing something meaningful in this world. I have done a lot of nothing but being broken and doing pretty much nothing but feeling horrible in this life. Simple tasks in life can effect me to such a horrible extent that I am naturally very non-functional.

Heh, yeah. I mean when I sought "help" I was told maybe university is not right for me. Walked right out of the room and never turned back. Yes, stress is bad for me, I have bad social anxiety and this does not mix at all with wanting to be in the field of politics or doing some "emotionally draining badly paid underappreciated job with long work hours, preferably in some bad or dangerous part of world.
But If I cannot get this, I may as well be dead. Because I am a person who wants to leave impact. If I don't..... than I am wasting planet's resources.

To those who have chosen a similar path – was it worth it? Same question to those who haven’t. I considered going on disability – still might have to at some point. But I want to be self-sufficient, even if I don’t live the most comfortable (or longest) of lives. I want my dignity. I don’t want my lover to be stuck trying to support me. Or other taxpayers who work long hours and are struggling, but don’t get the luxury of such support.

Yeah, I feel the same way. I need my dignity, I need my sense of purpose. I guess I value it more than simply breathing.

I know I’m best off when I eat right, sleep right, exercise appropriately, don’t drink alcohol or caffeine, and live on an extremely steady routine without stress. I did all this for awhile, but the demands of the program have changed things. I can’t afford – primarily with time – to do the first, second, third, fourth or last of these. I could live in a small cottage the rest of my days surrounded by nothing but tranquility. But I want to see the world. Even if I wake up screaming and have to fend off hallucinations each time I sleep in a new location, isn’t it worth it? To visit amazing places and do amazing things? Does the struggle make the rewards far greater? What does accomplishment mean if it’s easy?


I am a globe trotter and yes, it sets you off. But all the amazing places are worth it, even if you halucinate black dogs and shadows from sleep deprivation... you forget the bad parts soon and you can remember "wow, that place was awesome".

Yeah, I get you... schedule is important, yadda yadda... but it gets tedious... reminds me of the joke that says that if you don't drink, smoke, eat unhealthy and have lots of sex... you will not really live longer, it will just seem that way.
Maybe one needs to balance between their needs and their desires. There was a book, dystopic novel "We" by Yevgeniy Zamyatin. The society banned all bad behavior, as it shortens lifes and decreses work efficiency. It was pretty desolate in the end. Nobody was happy for that.