Took my last valium today. Panic attacks all morning. Gotta keep fighting it but uuuugh... Only like 12 more days... I'm afraid... But no one outside the pc world knows... I'm so afraid... Of so much... But I cover it. I try to blow it off, act like it's not phasing me but I'm terrified. Just this morning I was so worried someone had broken into the house the few minutes I went to the car. I did my hair and makeup in the doorway so I could see from every direction. I guess that would be paranoia though. But it's all so entertwined. My bipolar with my anxiety with my did with so much more. Lots of fear in this world. Who wouldn't be afraid? You can't turn on the news without something terrifying coming on. Without some confirmation that the entire world has gone mad. 200 years ago they did have crime. But the crime we hear of today was only in the darkest fiction novels of those days. But we live them. Some more than others we live them. How can we not be terrified of everything? I thought I was going to jump out of my skin around every turn in the drive to the city last night for my anniversary. It was only a 45 minute drive but I felt my heart skip many beats, my palms clammy, I was sweating, fidgiting... Fighting the feelings off. I think I need some meds again. This isn't something I can fight alone...