Lyrics are coming in my head from high school... "Hold on, when you feel like letting go. Hold on it gets better than you know. Dont stop fighting it's not over" or something like that... I'm so tired of fighting. I often wonder... What will happen if I stop fighting. When things are too much I start to get dizzy. I start to wobble. Things go black. Many not so good things happen when they go black. Seizure, fainting, and such. Other times personality changes. I fight these feelings. I fight the feeling to stay in bed. I force myself to move. I fight to eat, I fight to type even this. I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to end it at all. I am terrified of that and never could end it on my own accord. But I wonder.. What would become of me if I just stopped trying to go forward