That's assuming a lot from a few small paragraphs. I'm not being defensive here. Or I'm trying not to be. Because saying "you" usually makes people defensive, and I'm trying to change the wording around in my head.

But anyway. I do take interest in what's going on. I used a million and one coping skills yesterday. I just don't like my current therapist. She's judgmental and cruel.

When I said "I pushed everyone away". I mean my schizophrenia scared them away and they stopped being friends with me. It's my fault, because I have the schizophrenia.

Someone told me that schizophrenia is the most lonely illness out there. And I think they're right. I don't work on the same playing field as everyone else, and it's very lonely. I only relate to other schizophrenics, but even if I find other schizophrenics some of them are so consumed by their delusions, they can't interact with me. (high functioning versus low functioning).

You're right that I don't trust people. I have high amounts of paranoia on a constant basis. I am working on trying to be more honest and trusting people. It takes a lot of work though. It's hard to trust that people don't have ulterior motives in mind when interacting with me.