Dear abuser
Oh how the times have changed! You were supposed to be my guardian, my guide, my protection, you were supposed to love me. But you hated me. I know! I know you hated me and you can not deny it! I remember what you did to me. The times may be black but I remember the fear you instilled in me. You took away so much of my life. Because of you I have blackness covering so many moments that should be filled with joy and happiness. But they are a void. You have created a black hole in my life that I have been struggling to fill for 10 years. You have taken from me the precious moments of childhood that were mine to have not yours! You took from me the joy of life, the hope for happiness and the child in me. You ripped away every ounce of good I saw in the world before I turned 5.

I want her back! I want the little girl that you took out of me back. The pain you inflicted on me took the child in me before I was even able to become a child. I was just beginning my life and you took what innocence I had and I want it back!

Your time is catching up to you! So many years you have overpowered everyone. Your strength has scared anyone from helping me. Your strength and power controlled everyone around you. How do you feel now!? You can't even lift a ladder today! Did you think your sins would not catch up to you? Did you think you were unstoppable? Untouchable? I am no longer afraid of you! Your strength has left you, your mind is gone and you left your family long ago. You are alone now! You have nothing and as I build my family, as I watch the list of those who care for me grow, I watch yours dissappear! Did you ever notice?

When you gave me the gun did you know what that would do to me? Did the thought cross your mind that a 4 year old could not emotionally handle that? Did you ever think it would change my life forever? It did! We split and the daughter you could have had is now the sons and daughters you will never have.

I wish I could hate you! It's what you deserve!!! I wish with every fiber of my being that I could hate you and wish you to hell. But one thing you never took from me, my compassion for all things living! And I will not let you take that now! I will not hate you, I will pray for you, I will wish the best for you but I will never see you!

I want my child back, (not real physical child) I want her back because without her I do not feel whole. You have either killed the child in me or you have scared her into hiding and she's been gone. I've never been a child. I've never felt the child like joy, I've never had the child like imagination, hope, good outlook on the world. I can never be who I want to be until I get her back. I have no inner child. I want her back! It's not right for you to take that from me!

You are forgiven, you are not hated, but you are not wanted by any of your family. You dug this hole and the many times I tried to pull you from it, undeserving to you, you refused. This hole will soon become your grave and maybe then you will let me have her back! I do not wish for the day you leave this world, but you took something from me that I want back and she may never come back while you are still in this world!