((((hugs))) For sure you have been greatly affected by this! But you still need help IRL...whether your T that made promises that you wouldn't be in this situation is the one who does that or not. Trust is the biggest issue when it come to therapy.

It hasn't ruined you, sleeps, you are not ruined. You are bruised from it... nothing that has happened has made you any less a person than you were. You are still worthy of all the good stuff you can find!