Wait, you just said getting sick would kill your mother, but there are no more repercussions to self-destruction? Um, no offense, but that is a little contradictory - your mother would probably be upset if you self-destructed! And wouldn't going off meds potentially make you sick?

The collective wisdom/experience here suggests that going off meds is something you might later regret (and when we're upset we're usually not thinking all that clearly about the consequences of decisions like this...) AbeIsAbe's suggestion of giving the pdoc a call with a status report sounds like a very good idea to me. Give it a try?

Last time I went off meds entirely (10 years ago, I think?) I had to call in my bf from 2 hours away to take care of me because I couldn't stop crying long enough to do anything for myself. I was literally beating my head against a wall, it was a very bad situation, and that was only after being off meds for 2 days! Last time I tapered off anything (February) I had 2 weeks of nonstop migraines. Stopping meds can be as disruptive as anything else, even when supervised.

You don't deserve to hurt any more than you already do! You deserve to hurt less!