It would be irresponsible for any of us on the board to help you quit your meds. I have been reading the thread and I know that Venus has been talking you through. I didn't want to butt in.

Please don't do anything rash, you sound like you're in a crisis situation. At least talk to your pdoc. Let her know what you have said here about wanting to feel things intensely. Wait a few days before you drop the meds and maybe you will be calmer and will be able to look at the situation with more clarity, but call your pdoc right away.