Just venting, no need to actually read this, just really frustrated right now and need to get it out.....

I am so tired and tired of this. I go for the next shot Tuesday and I picked up the sublingual tabs to take in the interim. This slugglish feeling, then with hands shaking, feeling cold, and tremors is not helping either. I can't get my work done and my ability to focus has been reduced to what I imagine a nat could work on. I am so frustrated even though the nurse said it could get worse before it gets better knowing how low the levels were. I know it will take some time but hoped that there might be some more improvement; well there is a bit and cannot discount that the blackout spells have dissipated. Yeah! But the dizziness remain and overall though, oy, yoi, yoi.

There is so much going on right now that am supposed to be doing. I don't know how to manage it all. Gives a whole new meaning to one foot in front of the other, that is if I can find my feet and get them to work. Feel like my world is crashing. If I couldn't get out of bed before b/c of fatigue, now I want to go to it to hide in it, double whammy. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing treatment-wise but not near what needs to be done in the rest of my life; grades, professional, and personal lives are slippling away from me. The tunnel I'm in has no light at the end of it anymore. Perhaps this next shot on Tuesday will kick in better and will hope for that in the interim, but holding my breath.

I just hate this useless feeling and lack of energy. I'm not safe to drive still and this bothers me to trouble others for help and I miss the freedom to just go. I tried to exercise for energy and with the other symptoms it did not go well, ended up falling as I was walking on several attempts. SO have been trying to swim. Couldn't even make it to the end of the pool, which is so unlike me. Then I had to wait as I had no energy to get out of the pool and had to get help. I left in my swimsuit, wrapped in a towel; couldn't even change. Asking for help is one thing but needing it is another. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know who this person is. What is happening to me?!

Doc's office response is that it will take some time, to keep taking the tabs and coming in for the shots. Will do, absolutely! Meantime, ARGHHHH!

If you did read this, thanks so much for listening. I hope this finds you doing really well. In time and in theory, so will I. Will continue to hope, find my light again, it's there somewhere.