Thank you all for your replies on this...

Turquoisesea- Yeah I can see how sucking up time can be not living, and too much time on something and to try to find a balance. (I got a kitten the other day- so it will start to balance out as my boyfriend i think would like, cuz cats I just spend more time with than dogs (we have a dog that is why I mention that) and plus this kitty is feral so he needs lots of help to know humans are friendly, which means more time showing him it is ok)
But another thing that is a problem with me, is finding balance-- I have trouble finding true balance... I either want to jump in and do it right away, or just leave it and not come back to it.... I need to work on that I know.

Thanks Madisgram and Earthmamma- I will try not be discouraged with this and keep trying be better. and truly yes, only I can say what I truly need and need to work on.

My boyfriend just i think he hates to see me down, angry and so on... I think he as I do, wishes "it would go away" but we both know it wont. I hope he is not running away but then again I really dont think he is- he has been through worse with me being down (i think i do forget how bad I get some times). And I have been around people that are running away (family members) and they pushed me away a lot harder.. This with my boyfriend did truely seem like a genuine suggestion to help.

I do think he does not quiet understand that the Psych central web site has helped me. I have read so many things on dx's, but talking with people that share the same, it has helped with not feeling such a mess and also with suggestions and hope for me to have a better life.

I just don't fully understand Live Life/Live in the Moment---- Especially if I am thinking badly or psychotically with things.... I must be misunderstanding something. i get live life when playing with the kitten, laughing with my boyfriend about jokes, being at his parents for dinner and talking, etc (the good things)... but really, live life in the moment when you are thinking of bad thoughts? Guess that is where the Coping skills come in...
In a way that is a little contradicted, ok I am being a butt nugget now..

Another thing is - I am just realizing that a lot of things I stuff down with him, and which as we all know stuffing emotions is not good aka bottle it up. I am also realizing my pattern with blowing up at people due to my stuffing down turns into feeling pushed around, even if a person is not intentionally doing it; which leads to a breaking up cuz I feel pushed around and taken advantage of. So I am trying to find out how to not stuff, but not react so swiftly, but yet not stuff it still... I am a little lost on how to do that- which is something I will need to work on and talk to my therapist about. I have been sharing more with him on this as well lately- and sadly been a little more acting out and still stuffing a bit, cuz I am not sure how else not to react besides stuffing it ... I feel like a mess some times. I cant talk when I am in rage thoughts, that is why I go quiet cuz I dont want to regret what I would say.

My boyfriend is wonderful cuz I do talk with him a lot, and it always great to talk, It helps me out a lot. *Just the things I try to say to self- "whatever- blow it off"- i really don't "blow it off" in the end... i tell myself what I need to do but I can't seem to do it. I know one big thing is working more on my dbt book will help probably with that.

And when ever we do get into tiffs my boyfriend and i, we also talk after words when things have calmed down and understand each other, which that I can do that... I can understand after i calm down where he may be coming from, but cant when I am not calm..

I am sorry for the long reply back- but I will try "to do life better" I will continue therapy as I was going to (though it is short for me) and continue reading on DBT..... sadly i think if this continues into December I may be trying meds that the Pdoc wants to put me on that I told them no on in mid September... blah- it's all a self thing with meds- I only look down on me for meds and not others- I am happy others find that meds help them to do life better.. with me I see it as a defeat and in some ways a failure, but I need to learn to accept that if this is "chemical" in my brain, that meds could help with living life better. and that it is not a defeat- it is help... I know the Pdoc mentioned not to look at it that way, (i did not like him that well thou so I did ignore him.. I like my therapist better maybe she can talk more on it with me lol)
And I need to remember with that thought above- we all need help some times

thank you all again- I hope you all well....