I was first sexually abused at age 5. What we know now about what happened to me is that at the time, I dissociated from the events and internalized the messages that my abusers gave me (and the messages that I gave to myself as a result). Many years later, as a teenager, with those same internalized messages about shame and blame and powerlessness, I was again victimized. While I was older physically, mentally and emotionally I was stuck back as that 5-year-old, ashamed and powerless, unable to react.

Early trauma, if not dealt with at that moment, leaves you scarred and more vulnerable to future abuse. If I was never abused as a child, but someone tried to abuse me now as an adult, (a) I would fight like H*ll to protect myself (and probably try to kill them) (b) I would have more rational, adult eyes more able to place the blame where it belongs (c) I would be able to ask for help quickly and willingly.

Acting as the abused child, I didn't have those options. I was literally powerless; I was ashamed and self-blaming; and, I feared asking for help because my life I was threatened. An adult who grew up experiencing and believing those things, just isn't fully equipped to deal with trauma in a healthy way.