Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl
I was first sexually abused at age 5. What we know now about what happened to me is that at the time, I dissociated from the events and internalized the messages that my abusers gave me (and the messages that I gave to myself as a result). Many years later, as a teenager, with those same internalized messages about shame and blame and powerlessness, I was again victimized. While I was older physically, mentally and emotionally I was stuck back as that 5-year-old, ashamed and powerless, unable to react.
Early trauma, if not dealt with at that moment, leaves you scarred and more vulnerable to future abuse. If I was never abused as a child, but someone tried to abuse me now as an adult, (a) I would fight like H*ll to protect myself (and probably try to kill them) (b) I would have more rational, adult eyes more able to place the blame where it belongs (c) I would be able to ask for help quickly and willingly.
Acting as the abused child, I didn't have those options. I was literally powerless; I was ashamed and self-blaming; and, I feared asking for help because my life I was threatened. An adult who grew up experiencing and believing those things, just isn't fully equipped to deal with trauma in a healthy way.
|
I can understand from this how early stuff for me did go on to place me at increased risk of abuse later on - so not only does a child that has been abused process abuse experienced as an adult differently, the unresolved childhood stuff can actually place the person at greater risk and limit coping strategies to deal with it.
I feel like a light bulb has gone on - although still need to get my head round the different parts of me - I know the inner child bit has probably surfaced briefly from time to time - and actually when I think about it - I absolutely loathe having anything to do with that part of me - now to be able to have the courage to talk about this with T.
