sorry it took me a couple of days to see this message. I had my parents coming over and you know how that is for me.

Ok, I am like the worst person to ask insight from but here you go...
I have not talked to my sister in almost a year. I am pissed off at her and every time I write her a letter it is so brimming with anamosity I tear it up and throw it away because that is not who I am. Now I keep asking myself why is it that I am so angry, is it because of her stabbing me in the back a year ago or is it because I still carrying the fear of her I have had since I was a wee one. I have not found the answer yet. I do my best not to think about it because there is something about snubbing her that bothers me deep down inside but at the same time I think she needs to be...punished? Anyway you look at it I lose. I feel bad for acting out of charector and I feel bad because I can't make her pay enough which bothers me because it makes me sick to think I am so petty. So I ask myself "what would happen it I just let it go?" I don't have to be buddy buddy with her, I don't have to be her friend but if I could just drop this desire for some sort of vengence what kind of change would take place in me?

I know this isn't any kind of answer to your post but I am as lost in this as you are. Take care, good luck. Now I think I will read everyone else's advice and see if it would help me.
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud